Friday, December 29, 2006

The Scorpio Syndrome




As much as I enjoy who I am as a person, sometimes I HATE being a SCORPIO. Sometimes the depth of character, intensity, and the sexual energy we Scorpios exude is a BURDEN to deal with. Allow me to explain...

I'm at a point in my life where I am seeing a clear picture of the person I'd like to become and the path I wish to follow. I take pride in the fact that I am kind, generous, dedicated, giving, humorous, very friendly and amiable, faithful, and affectionate. I love to give to others not because I expect something in return...something in my spirit drives me to do such. I treat people, even strangers, with the upmost dignity because too many people in the world treat others like shit and I'd like to be treated with dignity and respect. I have a tendency to be touchy because I'm naturally a tactile person and I believe that people (especially Black folks) need more casual touches, kisses, and hugs...that machismo crap is for the birds in my eyes. I become very focused on my goals because I understand that nothing substancial is given to you without some effort. Even though I'm serious about life, I enjoy crackin jokes, laughing my ass off, and acting a hot mess when it's play time...life is too damn short to be all stiff and stoic. I love being a 'nice guy', and wouldn't have it any other way.

When it comes to dating, men, and relationships, I offer all of these qualities. Unfortunately, something is getting lost in the equation or misunderstood. Although I consider myself a "catch", I rarely attract the men I want to catch me (or the ones I want to catch). I attribute some of this problem to what I call the "Scorpio Syndrome". Scorpios are notorious for being flirtatious, sexual, and magnetic. These qualities are all good, but unfortunately those of us that possess these qualities give off the wrong vibe....well what I consider the wrong vibe. Instead of the "I am a beautiful person with much to offer you physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually", vibe I'd LIKE to send out, I seem to be giving off this "I'm hot in the ass I want to fuck without abandon" vibe. Where the hell is this coming from?



Don't get me wrong. I am very much aware of my sexuality and I love it. I love affection, and the though of sex really gets me going. However, that is not all that I desire....or is it the strongest desire I have. What I yearn more than anything is what a good friend of mine calls a "MIND, BODY, & SOUL F**K". Maybe it's my feminine side talking, but I desire, sometimes even fantasize, that a man will come into my life and stimulate my intellect, connect with my spirit and faith, and treat my body with as much respect and honor as I wish to offer his body. If all of those areas are covered, sex and passion wouldn't be an issue...i'd give it to that man so good he wouldn't even know what to do with himself. I would hold NOTHING back sexually, because there would be no point.

Now I'm sure there are men out there that can give me a mind-body-soul fuck...my question is...WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?? I'm doing my best to hold on to my integrity and keep from having sex just to satisfy my urges, but this shit is getting TOUGH. Most of the sex I've had (which hasn't been much at all) has been satisfying, but so very empty and shallow. I just can't let myself go all the way if I feel nothing for a man...I'm way too guarded to allow myself to be that vulnerable and i feel guilty afterwards.

I'd much rather have a man look me in the eye and I see lust AND admiration, take his time to set the mood for lovin, share some serious intimacy and foreplay before we go at it like rabbits in heat, fall asleep in each other's arms totally exhausted, wake up in the morning to some more intimacy or even Round Two, take a hot shower together, then eat a good meal before we go on with our days. Is that so much to ask if I'm willing to open up my mind, body, spirit, and potentially my heart for this man?

I may be asking for something unattainable, but damnit that's what I desire. Are they any men out there willing to bare their souls to a good man?

I hope so, because my resolve is slowly slipping. I hate the idea of pursuing shallow sexual encounters, but my desire to hold and be held is becoming so strong I might just go there. Hopefully someone will come along before I release the "Scorpio". Will the real men please stand up? Because I'm searching for you.

I apologize if that was one big ass RAMBLE, but I had to get that out.

12 comments:

Reg said...

YES, I know exactly what you mean!!! That's what I want. Even though I'd call most of my sexual encounters more than empty, they weren't FULL. I'd love love right now and some admiration. I'm waiting.

Reg.

dancehard said...

damn, this is crazy! why is it that so many beautiful, strong, and talented Black men have this issue? There are so many dudes out there ready to jump in the bed with you, but will run like hell or play games when you offer your mind and spirit before your body. I just don't get it. We needs to finds us some good mens Reggie, before we both say "fuck it" and just ravage each other lol.

Trent Jackson said...

hoe..

dancehard said...

whatever foo...I ain't no hoe...i have very strong hoe-ish tendencies, and that's the problem...if i don't get some quality and real quick, i WILL be a hoe, lol.

Gilbert said...

lol. you're a mess.

but on a serious note.... one will come your way. at the same time, don't deny some physical pleasure if you need it. Why torture yourself. :)

And besides, it all happens when you least expect it. Me and Dave - I was literally only looking for a quick sex. And now, 12 years and counting.... (the horror... LOL).

Anonymous said...

I am a Gemini woman, with Scorpio Ascendant, Moon in Cancer. I totally understand your problem as I am just like you. I would rathter hold on, even through my most 'desperate' times. Because it's worth it. I am sure..with time you will come across the person who you know is for you. But in the meantime, please keep your mind open and keep meeting people. I think I have finally found him. A scorpion guy :-). Who sure is sitting on the fence, like you do at times. but I can relate to that.

Anonymous said...

I am a Gemini woman, with Scorpio Ascendant, Moon in Cancer. I totally understand your problem as I am just like you. I would rathter hold on, even through my most 'desperate' times. Because it's worth it. I am sure..with time you will come across the person who you know is for you. But in the meantime, please keep your mind open and keep meeting people. I think I have finally found him. A scorpion guy :-). Who sure is sitting on the fence, like you do at times. but I can relate to that.

Atom Bom said...

Yeah, I'm a scorpio male, and I completely agree on almost all of the points you make. Relationships can be really hard because you want to be more than just passionate...almost...deep. Scares a lot of people off. Hopefully I'll eventually meet the right person...

Anonymous said...

No offense to any Scorpios here or the OP, but honestly, the "Scorpio's Syndrome" or problem to me isn't that they're so deep and spiritual and generous, and all that other mess...the problem to me is that a lot of Scorpios underestimate other signs and people for those very same qualities that they have.

I personally find this to be a serious and typical Scorpio problem in that they believe themselves and their sign to have the ultimate say and ownership on the qualities that were described in the OP's message.

I believe your problem is you, and that you aren't opening your mind , eyes, heart and spirit to the people (who might be right in front of you btw) and REALLY seeing and APPRECIATING them for who they may be and what they have to offer.

Scorpios get what they get from people because in their overestimation of themselves and their qualities, they end up underestimating the qualities and strengths of others.

You get what you give ultimately, and a truly wonderful and spiritual person is also humble enough to recognize and be open to greatness in others.

Sorry, but just tryin' to keep it real here and break up some of the onesideness.

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Scorpius said...

Wow....I'm a Scorpio male, and I think you pretty much just read my soul from front to back lol except...looking for a women like that. I would be putty in her hand!! Which in itself is kinda a scary thought, but in for a penny...Oh and btw anonymous, you and EVERY other sun sign have NO clue of what it is like to be born from a Plutonian sun....or a "Dark Star" if you will. It is not even within your realm of emotional, or intellectual capacity to even come close to understanding it's depth, or potential darkness. Cancer and Pices have a clue, but neither have the darker side of nature driving them. I have a stellium of energy focused in Libra beginning at the Ascendant, so I spend a lot of time putting intellectual thought to feelings of a Scorpio sun at 00 degrees(the first degree of Scorpio, and strongest influence), attempting balance and harmony.....but there is no rhyme or reason to how Scorpio is guided. Ever tried transmuting darkness into light? I guarantee you couldn't do it on your best day. You see....to understand the battle of Scorpio is to understand it's 3 aspects...Destruction, Death, and Rebirth in that order. No other sun sign could handle the pheonix cycle of life, which is needed for life to move forward, but we are forced to undergo this experience of having our personal lives, careers, even our own health all but destroyed...and sometimes destroyed (Even the innocent Scorpios) constantly through out our demanding, and in my experience of 33 yrs a lot of ways unsatisfied lives. I say Scorpio is the most powerful sign of the zodiac because it is.....without it's huge amount of restraint, truth to self and human nature, and amount of patience we have for all the NONESENSE, games, and illusions you other signs create for yourselves to block the truth of life (but we do love you for it ;) we prob would have offed you all a long time ago...except Cancer she's cute ;).