Saturday, March 17, 2007

Refueling and Reloading

I love these moments of relaxation and tranquility I'm allowed before life gets really crazy. I'm sitting in this lovely hotel room in Washington DC, enjoying the last few days of my first real business-related trip. I know that once I return to Los Angeles, the heat of my professional and academic life will turn up dramatically. When I return, I will be digging into my thesis work. Although the doctoral program I'm entering will not start until September, I've already been given plenty of doctorate student-like responsibilities. I have to prepare for research papers and presentation in my last academic class. Time to get my hustle on for scholarship and grant money to finance the Ph.D. Time to put the hurting on my own students, which requires preparation :) Need to make a final decision on whether I will launch this fitness consulting business over the summer. When I return, it's GAME TIME.

I look forward to a wonderfully reduced-stress summer, HOWEVER I have a RIDICULOUS Spring to endure. It will push my limits most likely, but I GOT THIS. Even still, prayer and 'act-a-fool saturdays' will be my saving grace.

Until then, I will enjoy the nation's capital and this wonderfully accommodating hotel room. What is there to do for a young SGL black man to do in DC on a Saturday night? Hmmm...

Thursday, March 15, 2007

I have this...problem

Ok maybe y'all can help me out with this one, or refer me somewhere where I can get some good professional help. Here's the deal...

In normal circumstances, I consider myself a fairly outgoing and gregarious type of guy. I love people, and I thrive in social environments with good folks around me.
When it comes to men, I usually have no problem with being a huge flirt and asserting myself when approaching or being approached. I'm not even gonna lie and say that I got game because I have none whatsoever...i hope my easy going nature and optimism are game enough.

Here's the problem I'm having...When I'm dealing with somebody who's an "average joe" or someone I am certain is feeling me, I'm like a lion...i'll pounce in a second. Whereas, when I encounter somebody who is either unreasonably FINE, very accomplished, or highly intellectual (or a combination of all three), I FREEZE.

It's like the second I have an opportunity to act, I start getting all anxious and self-conscious. I break myself down to see if I can compare. Am I attractive enough? Am I smart enough? Is my wit quick enough? Am I experienced enough? (yes that's a concern of mine, being 25 and able to count the total number of sexual encounters, not partners, I've had on two hands and a foot) What qualities do I possess that might interest this guy? What could this amazing specimen of man desire in me?

This of course is crazy as hell because I know that I am a good catch, and I'm not some mud duck. But why is it that I can't shake these insecurites? This is starting to pose a problem now that my social environment is changing and I'm encountering more and more men that I would consider 'amazing specimens'.

For example, I came across a guy during my conference trip to San Diego a few weeks back. When I first saw him I was like DAMN! Tall, dark skinned (my absolute favorite mmm), well groomed, beautiful smile, easygoing personality, educated (in the same field as myself) the list goes on. Turns out we have a few mutual friends. After my weekend in SD and little bit of investigative reporting back at home, I find out that he is 'family', a nice guy, and available. So why haven't I attempted to holler and swoop down on ol' boy? The 'self-conscious' monster has gotten my ass and Mr. Fear of Rejection has me in a headlock. I have access to his e-mail address, blog page, and I'm sure my friend in San Diego wouldn't mind facilitating some sort of hook up. I have all this ammunition, and yet I sit here tearing myself down to the elements and unearthing my flaws as excuses to not try to establish contact.

So what do you think? Do I need professional help, or the assistance of a few strong cocktails?

Oh yeah, it doesn't help matters that I'm ridiculously sexually repressed right now and my loins feel like they're gonna self-combust at any minute. Just thought I'd add that in, :)

Comments, suggestions, and physician referrals are graciously desired.

Monday, March 12, 2007

I'm gonna be a DOCTOR!!!!!

This past Friday marked the beginning of a journey that I've always dreamed of, but doubted was attainable. I was in the office, feverishly attempting to put the finishing touches on a minority research grant that would ensure my financial stability while at UCLA (basically, to keep me from having to shake it fast in the club for singles, lol). My professor mentor (whom I consider to be one of the FIERCEST women I've met) asked me when the final drafts were due. Here's the dialogue that followed:

Dr. Y: Jammie, when is that application due? Like the very last minute?

Me: Monday by noon?

Dr. Y: You mean next Monday?

Me: Umm no, I mean Monday like in 3 days.

Dr. Y: SHIT! No! It can't be due then! We have the admissions committee meeting on Monday, and I want to have your admission decision reported in the grant! We need another day!

Me: Well, Wendy (our grant guru) made it pretty clear she needed everything on Monday.

Dr. Y: Well hell, this will not do! I need confirmation NOW! Hmm....lemme see how I can work this out

****office door closes****

Me: Ohhhkkkayy...what all that about??

**** 5 minutes pass****

Dr. Y: Alright folks, we gotta make a final decision on this applicant ASAP. Let's do this

**** 10 minutes pass*****
**** office door opens *****

Dr. Y walks to me with a huge grin. "Hey Jammie." "Yes?" "Guess who's our newest doctoral student?" "WHAT!!!??" "It's official brotha. Welcome to the family, officially"

And that simple, I became the first doctorate of public health student at UCLA School of Public Health for Fall 2007!!! I was excited for about an hour, and then the reality hit home? What the HELL am I getting myself into?! There goes the remnants of my already abbreviated social life. OOOO LAWD i'm gonna get my ASS KICKED!

Don't get me wrong, I'm very happy about this turning point. It's just all sinking in now...the reality of being a doctoral student at one of the premier public health schools in the U.S. It's gonna be CRAZY trying to keep up, but I'll be ready to serve these hoes!

For all of you wonderful members of blogopia, I ask for your help. PRAY FOR ME, because I'm gonna all the strength and conviction I can get. IT'S ON!