Monday, March 13, 2006

Out of the Closet, and into the Fire

Hey folks!

It's been a hot minute since i last posted, but I'm back!! Yeeaahh booiiii! Right, on to more serious matters.

Life these past few months has been...a rollercoaster. Monday through Friday, my entire existence revolves around my education and off campus job. I'm talking about 15 hour days on a campus, y'all. Alas, that's what needed to keep the pimp hand down in this department, so i gotta handle it! I love it because everything i'm learning and experiencing is on my terms, but dayam! These graduate professors are trying to kill a brotha!

Despite the hot mess of a schedule i endure during the week, I've finally managed to settle into a balance of fun and relaxation on the weekends. I've commited myself to acting a DAMN FOOL on Saturday nights, and that's going well so far. Quite a few scenes of ridiculousness have occurred on these nights....i'll give you the details when time allows.

I've got a lot of ish i gotta get down on this here blog, but I'll start with what's been on my mind and heart recently. Right now, I'm neck deep in the coming out process. The first step was opening up to my close friends and my ex-girlfriend, which was ok. I lost two 'friends' in the process, but our relationships weren't built on shit anyways, so it's all good. Now, i've moved on to family, fraternity, and church...

I've had the talk with my only sister and my 'big' brother. I have 4 bros, but I only have a strong 'big bro-little bro' relationship with one of them. Both of them were a little shocked, but they support me. They are very worried for me though...which i think is soo precious. I can take care of myself, but it feels good knowing if some knuckle head gets crazy, he has not one but 3 crazy negroes ready to cut his ass :)

I'll leave the church for another day...not ready to go there yet. Still praying for strength :).

My parents will know the full extent of my sexuality very soon. I'm currently seeing somebody right now, and me being MIA on the weekends friday-sunday has not gone unnoticed (i currently live at home to avoid poverty as a grad student). I have a policy of being 100% honest with my parents, and i can't stand not telling the full story. As much as I worry about their reaction, I'm certain they have an idea that i'm into men...i've confided in my mother about a guy i 'experimented' with in college, and my dad walked in on me drooling at Jensen Atwood on Noah's Arc a few months back(goddamn that man is on fire).

I'm confident that my parents wont trip too hard when I own up to it, but it's gonna be some different shit when I bring a guy home. It's one thing to hear it, but a totally different thing seeing your youngest son hugged up with a grown ass man. OOH LAWD I hope somebody has a camcorder :) It's just a matter of time before my dad says "Alright son, where the hell have you been these last few weekends??? You been getting some, huh?". When that happens, it will be ON.

Until then, i'll continue to work with passion, and act a damn fool. Peace.



Reg said...

Ooooh, a mess. I'm glad that you have the courage though. I don't tell my parent's anything, and I guess they have the impression that I've been with girls. Or am interested. In the back of their minds, I guess they know, but I'm just not about to tell them anytime soon. And keep up the fun! I'm waiting for your ass.


dancehard said...

Yes, it is a mess indeed. But a good mess. There is only one other openly gay or bisexual person in the fam, so my coming out will be something of an adjustment. Especially since i don't plan on being estranged from the family. But hey, there's a first (or 2nd?) for everything!
I hope u eat ur wheaties and take ur vitamins, cuz I plan on owning NY and DC, and I need my road dawg to be on point and ready to cut up with me! U wanna crash ShawnQT's b-day party that saturday??

taylorSiluwé ..... said...

Oh boy ...

I wish you luck kid, and strength. J and I still haven't done that. His family doesn't even know, though I'm sure they suspect.

He lives with me, has almost since the beginning. Still ... I've never relished the idea of that 'scene' similar to the one in How Stella Got Her Groove Back, when Angela Bassett meets his mom. Actually, it terrifies me a little.

Let me know how it goes ... then you can give me some advice.