Monday, March 13, 2006

How'd i end up being somebody's groove?

*******************WARNING----Long Post coming your way****************

I'm feeling so good today so i'm gonna give it up two's all about the stamina, baby! Ok i better stop. Anywho, I mentioned earlier that I'm talking to a guy right now....what I didn't mention was this guy is older than me...I mean How Stella Got Her Groove Back older. What the f**k did I do to attract this guy? See, this is why I get for wearing some tight in the ass church pants out in public.

At least i can imagine i have one more thing in common with Taye Diggs :). People say I'm resemble him...what do you think?

I personally don't think I do, but the thought of it is HELLA FLATTERING :).

Anyways, I met this guy about 3 Sundays ago (hence my using the term 'church pants'...his phrase actually :)). I went to the library to study, only to find out the place was packed and parking was not gonna happen. The guy (who i'll refer to as YoungAtHeart), was leaving his space. He had his boy hop out the car and stand in the space so I wouldn't miss it. After parking and thanking him, he asked me for the digits. Being the nice guy that I am, and truly appreciating the kind gesture, I hooked him up.

We've hung out a few times since then, which led up to this weekend. We were together from friday night till Sunday morning. I thought i'd be ready to kill him by saturday night, but actually I had a great time being with him. He's exposed me to things that I've always wanted to see/do, but never made the time or effort to commit myself to. I love it when people challenge me out of my zone of familiarity and make me do something different.

I can honestly say that I like the guy. He has a career he loves, is established, has goals, has a nice lil house, and can engage me in thought provoking conversation (a BIG turn on for me). He also has this interesting mix of maturity and youthfulness. We went to a disco club where he and his friends TORE IT UP. I had to pull out some paper and a pen, cuz they took my azz to school! On the flip side, we later went to a hip hop private party and he held his own in my element. Hell, he knew some of the hottest guys that were in attendance!

He's even opened my eyes to new initmate experiences. Nothing too serious, but I'll just say that I'm learning how to enjoy receiving as much I enjoy giving pleasure :). Guys my age just don't seem to understand that intimacy is a 2 way street, but he gets it!

With all of the qualities that attract me to YoungAtHeart come a few issues. First is his use of the term "daddy". It makes me cringe whenever he refers to me or himself as 'daddy'. ESPECIALLY when we are being intimate. Every time it is spoken i think "please don't say're damn near old enough to be my daddy...eww." Second, just the age disparity in general causes tension for me. He talks a lot of shit about 'kids today' and the disgrace of hip hop artists today. While I feel he makes some valid points, I find myself defending my youth when he starts talkin out the side of his neck. We got a few looks and comments when we were out, and I was rather put off by the attention we were receiving. I could point out a few more things, but i'm trying not to be so damn critical of everything.

So yeah, i'm at a crossroads. I don't know what to do with this situation. I'm only 24 and have been 'out and about' for less than a year. Part of me wants to avoid tying myself down and explore, while another part of me craves the attention and affection of a boyfriend. YoungAtHeart is a nice guy, treats me the way i like to be treated, and is willing to deal with my crazy schedule and limited access to free time. He tells me he is open to taking this slow, but his action indicate he's looking for a guy to settle down with. Am I at a point in my life where I can handle being in a relationship like this? Can I handle my first boyfriend being almost 20 years older than me? Ugh, i don't know....

Nuggets of wisdom/advice are more than welcome:)



Reg said...

Yeah, try going out with an 18 year old that looks 16. Christ almighty. Anyway, just see where it goes. The young in all of us wants to explore life before settling. But you never know. lol. Call me so I can make fun of you.


dancehard said...

Ok, whatever R. Kelly. i'll call u when I finish my exams, or take a delirium break. Any luck with finding transportation to D.C.?

taylorSiluwé ..... said...

Dating an older brother can be a beautiful experience. it's funny, but I'm seeing more and more of that lately.

first off, i'm a little jaded when it comes to young guys dating older men. i just turned 40, but my partner is 23. We've been together about a year and a half. I know two other couples with the same age disparity. Is it a trend?

Not really. There have always been such couples. Older men have a lot to offer in terms of wisdom and experience in a crazy world thats tough on black men, let alone black SGL men. And for someone who's new to the game, it could be just what you need.

At least for now.

So I say go with the flow, enjoy yourself. I didn't hear you mention the 'L' word yet ... but, do you think that's a possibility?

Good luck .....

Reg said...

We're waiting for your new installment of posts, baby boy! Lol. E-mail me.


nyesha said...

20 year old difference? i suppose it could sweetie is 8 years older than me and we manage just fine.

i guess as long as you guys can relate to each other it's cool...but my vote for you would be not to get tied down so soon.

dancehard said...

thanks for all your comments, y'all. It always feels great getting advice and feedback...a quick update...i came to the conclusion of not pursuing anything more serious with him, and trying to resume our friendship without the intimacy. He obviously was disappointed, but could understand my reasoning. So yeah, back to square one...single and not so ready to mingle..sigh

ShawnQt said...

where is ur new post?