Yeah...as the title suggests I'm kinda going through it right now. Maybe it's the season...cold days and nights...plenty of time to invade my thoughts...plenty of space to self-reflect. Or maybe it's the amazing (but potent) Mexican coffee I just made for myself (if you don't know about it, get into it here) Whatever the case may be, I'm feeling some kinda way. I wouldn't say I feel romantically empty, but I'm definitely yearning...
So many things are going right in my life right now...I'm in no position to complain really. However, there is one area that has alluded me for the longest time...men. So many people around me are happily attached and boo'd up...folks getting married, solidifying their commitments, having babies, co-habitating, etc. I'm yearning for a man. Not a fly by night one night stand or a fuck buddy, but somebody I can invest time and energy towards. Somebody I can court, or who will court me. Sex would be great, but it's deeper than that. Sex is easy, and always accessible. I yearn for the touch...physically, spirtually, and emotionally. I've never felt it before...and I want it. I want to hold...and be held. I want to laugh hysterically while curled up on the couch watching Tyler Perry plays or Wanda Sykes (how u doin? love her!). I want to SEX DOWN somebody, but do it sensually at first...and have that effort reciprocated. I want to cook a meal alongside somebody...or have him waiting on the couch sippin on some riesling and waiting for his culinary delights. I want to flirt mercilessly and wake up in the morning wrapped in strong arms and spooned up against a firm backside.
I yearn for...intimacy. The kind you can't find on BGC or AdamForAdam (i've never been one for those sites, no shade :)). Like I said...I'm kinda going through it right now. It will pass, right?
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2 comments:
My sentiments exactly. I just blogged about this very issue. Hang in there.
Jammie, I have never been able to understand why you don't have that kind of intimacy in your life. Don't get me wrong, I don't believe that you NEED it in your life, but you have all of the prerequisites of someone who would be ideal to be with. You are attractive, educated, thoughtful, funny, outgoing--- pretty much, a well rounded guy. You are not that one-night-stand-or-meet-in-the-club-or-on-a4a-or-bgc kind of guy.
I think you have it extra hard because you are in Los Angeles, which is the land of PLASTICS!
What I will ask you is this... what kind of relationships are you building with people? Take it from me, you never know where you will find love and intimacy... it might be looking you in the face and you do not know it.
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