Friday, October 17, 2008

Am I Ivy League Material? Probably not...

While exchanging e-mail dialogue with my good blogger buddy Gil, I kinda went into a big ass essay about my thoughts on the Ivy League Cutie, a guy I've been dating sporadically for a little over a month now. It's been a rather interesting experience, and I think this pretty much sums up where I stand with this guy...and all guys in general.

I thought it would make a decent post...get into it and tell me what you think:


I think I'm done with the Ivy League Cutie. He's a hottie, smart as a whip and all, but I think we're on two separate wavelengths when it comes to expectations. On my end, I'm willing (and very open) to be patient, giving of my time and energy, and "going with the flow", but I expect a tangible result from such an effort...a romantic relationship. I'm READY to put myself out there...but it will not work unless HE is ready to go there as well. Bottom line...I'm not trying to put energy into you or "us" unless we both are trying to build something real. We can kick it, keep it real friendly, even screw around on occasion (yes I said it! GASP!), but understand that if you want a shallow relationship, you will not be very high on my priority list.

On his end, he's still reeling from the aftermath of his previous relationship. He revealed this to me the last time we hung out, and I'm glad he opened up that conversation. From what I can tell, ol' boy still has feelings for the ex and is not quite able to negotiate these feelings and allow another man access to his attention. He requires somebody to be patient and available while he figures out what to do with his ex and how to open up to a new romantic interest. If he all of a sudden gets introspective and pulls away, he needs the new guy to understand that and give him that space without protest. If he feels awkward being intimate with the new guy, new guy needs to respect that and keep his hands off until he is ready.

Do you see the disconnect here? When it comes to the potential for romance, I'm assertive. I admit that. I WANT to be intimate and engage in the other person, ESPECIALLY if I know that he is feeling me. I give kisses and hugs and grinds and ass/crotch grabs and shoulder rubs and head rubs and cuddling...the whole nine yards. I do PDA, and I wish a muthafucka would say something about it. I'll want to put my hands on my boy, and I'll invite him to put his hands on me. It would totally fuck me up to be constantly physically rejected no matter how much I like the guy.

I WANT to spend quality time with my romantic interest, and I will crunch my schedule to open up space for that guy. I'll meet up for coffee, I'll cook dinner, I'll invite him to dinner with friends, I'll bypass a Friday night "Flats n' Foolery" for a date night. I'll study my ass off all day Saturday morning/afternoon just to have my evening open for him. If he fails to promptly respond to my offers, cancels plans too often, or gives the impression that he isn't interested in spending time with me, I'll feel hurt and angry that he doesn't value my time and effort.

I WANT sex to be a part of the equation, whether sooner or later. I haven't had sex of any kind in 6 months (count em'...SIX!), and if I see him naked, I'm gonna want to have sex and I will INITIATE sex. If he teases me sexually, I'm gonna want to BEAST HIM DOWN. If he shuts down on me physically or emotionally, I'll start to wonder if he finds me unattractive. Then I'll get pissed that I'm horny as hell and I have this hot guy sleeping right next to me that I can't ravage because he needs "space".

So yeah, that's my rationale for taking a break from Ivy League Cutie. Damn, I'm reading over what I just I see why they call Scorpios "intense". We're not ones to half-ass something. But that's just how I operate at this point. I'm not closing the door completely, but I let it be known where I stand. The ball is in his court.

1 comment:

Soldier said...

Oh shit, this is weird, i was the " Ivy League Cutie " in my last relationship, i was exactly everything u describved and it's one of the main reasons why i'm single now... :-(

So i know that when u need space, u just need it... unless somebody shakes you up BIG TIME.

So don't beat around the bush, be blunt with him... tell him that what you have right now isn't what you need and that you don;t see this go nowhere, be YOURSELF... u can give him space but don't let him be get too bougie about it... u're not gonna be here waiting forever and he should realize that he could lose you.