"I needed to get laid so I did"...

"I'm not like you Glo. I just need somebody to hold me...even if it is a damn lie."

Another one of my famously unpublished entries...with a twist :)

Well not really, but that's how I feel right now. Just like Bernadine from "Waiting to Exhale" except I'm not going through a bitter divorce with a unscrupulous Uncle Tom. Hell my situation is the exact opposite, I'm chronically single :) And frankly it's starting to get REALLY old.

I seem to be having a spot of bad luck when it comes to the brothas. It seems that the few guys I'm feeling right now are out of pocket for one reason or another...one guy will soon be a colleague and already has a man, another I LIVE for but we've run into some "compatibility issues" (as in he's a strict top and I'm versatile but he has ass for DAYS so I want both)...and the other could potentially be my best gay male friend and I don't wanna complicate the friendship.

Am I making excuses? Maybe. Part of me is like "To hell with playing it safe...push the envelope and deal with the results!" I only wish it were that easy with me. For some reason, I have a lapse of confidence when it comes to actively pursuing dudes that I consider "10s". Usually the men in question are well educated, very attractive, somewhat older, have gained a certain degree of success, and have mucho charisma. I find myself comparing to them, and falling short. I seek out my flaws, magnify them, and hesitate.

It's a vicious cycle that's really messing me up romantically. I shut down, question myself, then get hella guarded. In the meantime, I go on untouched, unkissed, and un-f**..well you get the picture.

The Twist:

Just as I was about to post this entry, I run into the "Ivy League Cutie."

...I believe you have my stapler?....

I'm chained to the desk today. On a Friday. NOT precious at all...if anything, it's hella rude. Don't get me wrong, I love what I do about 85% of the time...it's just this pesky 15% that involves sitting here pounding away at site visit notes, writing reports, and organizing all of the information and dialogue I spend half of my work hours collecting in the field. Desk work SUCKS!

I don't see how people can do this 24-7. I don't see how half of these researchers can sit in front of screens all day WITHOUT scratching out their eyes!! Ewww this mess is sooo not my style.

I'm a "people person" all the way. I enjoy having conversations, dialoguing, communicating...this sitting here typing away ish is FOR THE BIRDS. The content is actually quite interesting...it's just the process. Read...process...type...correct...type...print...review...e-mail...read...process...BOO TO DA HISSSSSS... Alas, they say "no job is complete until the paperwork is done". Lawd how I wish that were not true.

I'm seriously having an Office Space moment right now, LMAO. I feel like Milton, however I'd have to seriously cut a bitch if they tried to jack my office supplies!

2 more hours of this madness...I see Brazilian food, a capirinha, a big ass lemon drop martini, and the club in my immediate future...mmmm...

Praises!!!

Ok I have like the biggest Kool-Aid smile on my face right now, and my head has been inflated like a hot air balloon! I'm telling you, when people acknowledge your work ethic, it's a beautiful thing!

So I'm sitting here at my desk about to jump into my day's work, and here comes Queen B ready to pay me a visit. Queen B is the BOSS around here...she's not only one of the most prolific researchers in our department, she is the director of the center where I'm employed and manages my fellowship. On top of all that, she is a Dean so she's got it like that administratively. Definitely somebody you want on your side. This woman is the epitome of HARDCORE. She goes in HARD, she's sharp, she knows her shit, and she demands that you be ON POINT. And if you're not...she will kick your ass.

Needless to say that you gotta be on your A-game to impress her. I took one of her classes last quarter (hands down the best I've taken at UCLA btw), and she literally CLOWNED ME in the front of everybody. The steely gaze, the sigh, the pause, and the gut-punch..."Thank you Jammie for your input...now see, this is exactly what you're NOT supposed to do. This is not appropriate for this assignment, go back and brainstorm." I, along with the rest of the class, GAGGED. Point for Queen B. After debriefing in office hours, she explained what she was looking for, encouraged me to find a better topic, and come correct next time. By the end of that class though, my proposal was top-notch and I got the nod of approval. She was a tough cookie, but she made us really MASTER the skills. When I say my final A grade, I literally did cartwheels :)

Queen B. is definitely "firm but fair". She'll give credit where credit is due, but you ain't gettin ish unless you've excelled. And if you half step, she'll pick you apart and make you feel like jumping out of a window.

Fast forward to 30 minutes ago...I'm sitting at my desk ready to go, and she comes up to me. She asks me how I'm doing in the program, handling classes and work and such. Then she smiles and says "I don't know if you realize this, but you're actually ahead of the curve for your cohort. I've heard good things from the faculty, you performed very well in my class, and you've immersed yourself in a project in your first year. I'd say you're in a very good position." She then went on to invite me to explore some opportunities with the new multimillion dollar grant to expand my horizons and do some "solo work". I'm just sitting there like "whoa, she's giving me...PRAISES?"

So yeah, ya boy is feeling real good right now. Of course, now that I'm on her radar I'll have to step it up even further, but that's how it goes in the Ivory Tower...very much "what have you done for me lately?" At least I know I'm on the right track.

So now, all I gotta do is find a man and I'll be REAL GOOD :)

Holla!

J.

P.S: How does blogopia feel about dating a fellow colleague? He's an incoming student and I'm tempted to holler. Messiness is not my cup of tea though. Thoughts?

The "Sunday Night Stress-Down Session"

Thought I'd share this with blogopia. After a week of hard work, study, civic responsibilities, taking care of family, driving, networking, and gettin' your grind on, it's always important to end on a calm, soothing note. This is my Sunday night session that gets me right together for dealing with another week of toil. Let me know what you think :)

The Sunday Night Stress-Down Session

The “stress down session” has 2 purposes: First, it allows an opportunity to do all of the head-to-toe “hardcore grooming” that is impossible to get around to throughout the week. Second, it’s great way to end the weekend on a peaceful, calming note. In addition to eating well and getting proper exercise, it is vital to “pamper” your body on a regular basis. This page outlines an inexpensive method of adding the finishing touches of “sexy”.

This session can be done alone, or the experience can be shared with a boyfriend, spouse, or lover for relaxation or a perfect form of foreplay ☺



The first thing you want to do is set the mood and prepare the setting. Preferably, the stress down should happen in the confines of your own home, or somewhere where you feel calm and comfortable. This is about relaxation, so it’s beneficial to have this space clean and tidy before you get started. Put on your favorite “Smooth Groove” playlist, light a few scented candles, and pour yourself a nice glass or wine (or tea if that’s your thing….something soothing). Lay out your grooming items beforehand so you don’t have to dig for stuff when you are in the comfort zone.

Now, on to the grooming. First thing are the hands and feet. Basically we are doing a touch-up of the manicure and pedicure. Soak the hands in warm soapy water and pull out the manicure kit. Do a quick clipping and filing, then drench the cuticles in oil. Dab dry the oil, then smooth lotion on the hands for a nice massage. Go down to the feet and repeat, excluding the foot massage.

Next comes the shower (a bath works too). Bring out the good smelling stuff, preferably a scrub. Take a little more time than usual paying attention to all your essential parts. Grab the pumice stone and attack the soles of your feet. Dry off and continue on.

The grooming continues. For those of you not into shaving, grab your favorite lotion, oil, or body butter and moisturize your entire body, from the neck down. Don’t forget the feet ☺ For those of us that trim a bit, moisturize wherever you’re not shaving and then prepare your skin for a shave down. Shave where you must, then apply astringent and the razor bump protection. Slide on your night clothing or a nice set of briefs and keep it moving.

Now it’s time to take care of what’s up top. Prepare a hot towel and apply to the face to open up the pores and clean the face. Follow up with your favorite facial product…a mask, a scrub, it’s all good. Take a ten minute break while the facial marinates. Finish off your wine glass and sink into the music. Return to the sink, rinse off the facial, and apply your moisturizer. Last but not least…the pearly whites. Brush your teeth thoroughly, floss well, and set it off with some Listerine. Breathe a sign of relief.

With your mental and physical rejuvenation complete, blow out the candles, turn down the music, and enjoy a night of well-earned sleep.