Friday, August 17, 2007
THE TERMINAL TOP
After having a rather disclosing conversation with a dear friend of mine about our romantic and sexual hits and misses, I once again began to think about one of the most frustrating and despicable issues prevalent among folks actively engaging in sexual relations (gay or straight)...selfish lovers and the lack of reciprocity in the bedroom. In terms of SGL male sexuality, I call these men "Terminal Tops (TT)".
In my experiences, I've dealt with 3 men (one rather recently) who embody the "Terminal Top" persona. Each time I've gotten involved sexually (I use this term loosely...there wasn't much SEX going on...TT's are like a shot of anti-Viagra), I've walked away pissed off and 'unsatisfied' at the pisspoor quality of the intimacy that was shared. I feel compelled to share with the bloggies of the world the mystique of the "Terminal Top" and hopefully create some dialogue that will one day ERADICATE its presence from our romantic and sexual lives.
Ok, here we go....
What is a 'Terminal Top'?
The Terminal Top is the man preoccupied with taking the more assertive role in sexual activities. He is the TOP, the Alpha, and the Omega. He sets the pace and dictates the flow of the love making. He fully expects his submissive bottoms to throw themselves at (and on top of) his talented magic stick and have them end up "wore out, dehydrated, and half damn handicapped" from his sexual skills. Once the deal is done and the nut is spilled, the Terminal Top rolls over, spoons against his recovering prey (or dismisses them from the bedroom), and falls out asleep.
How does he function?
The Terminal Top functions on the principle of "My pleasure is your pleasure". He is concerned primarily with his own sexual gratfication and considers the satisfaction of his partner a secondary matter (or in extreme cases, not a matter at all). Men who commonly use phrases such as "I'ma knock the bottom out that ass" and "I'ma make you my bitch" are highly suspect of being Terminal Tops. "Suck MY Dick", and "tongue MY balls". For some, "eat MY 'cookies'". And lastly, "ride THIS dick until I cum". The Terminal Top gives little to no attention to the specific needs of his partner, unless they 1) can be fulfilled rather quickly; 2) can be satisfied when he is getting his; or 3) can be employed to speed up the process of him "gettin' in that ass."
Don't confuse the Terminal Top with the score of men who are thoughtful, expressive lovers who just do not wish to be penetrated. I'll call them "Attentive Tops". Many of them have tried it, but don't like it. They understand that being the bottom requires special skills, tolerance, and preparation (ummmhmm I went there) and show mad respect. They are eagerly attentive and sensitive to the pleasure of their lovers and take genuine effort in ensuring their receptive partners "gets theirs" by the time its all said and done. And when it comes down to the main event, they work the middle they way it should be worked...so that both parties involved enjoy the ride. Y'all are cool in my book. Keepin on' doing what you do.
Now, back to these pesky Terminal Tops...
Will I date him? HELL TO THE NAW!!!!
Now I know there are some men (and women) out there that are receptive to, even fantasize about, Terminal Tops coming into their bedroom and using them for whatever nasty and freaky thoughts that come into their domineering heads. If that's you, I'm not knocking your preferences or criticizing your choices. DO YOU, but have caution. Make sure the man/woman you are entertaining respects you as a person before you assume the position.
Personally, I feel THAT S**T IS WHACK as some crack. Being that I'm a versatile man that prefers dealing with other versatile men, I automatically throw caution to men that deem themselves 'total tops' or 'aggressive tops.' However, I do not completely banish total tops from my list of potential partners.
It all comes down to the matters of respect, reciprocity, and attentiveness. I'm naturally a "giver" in romantic and sexual relationships, meaning I take pride and pleasure in ensuring that my partner is being fulfilled and genuinely enjoys our mutual experience. I'll admit that I'm rather 'assertive' when it comes to this role. However, it frustrates me to infinite ends when the desire to please gets translated into "It's all about me". NO FOOL IT AIN'T ALL ABOUT YOU. I've heard excuses from "It was just feeling too damn good" to "I get sleepy after I've ***" used to explain why the guy hasn't put some serious work into figuring out what makes me tick and EXECUTING. In one situation, it even came down to me literally attempting to COACH him on how to please me, to no avail. And when he fell asleep after gettin' his goodies and I decided to take matters into my own hands for relief, this fool had the AUDACITY to wake up and get mad at me for not waiting for him to hook me up. WTF!!!! After that, our intimate interactions were a WRAP.
Okay, sorry I got a little personal there. My goal behind this post is to get folks to see that fulfilling sex and romance is a TWO WAY STREET. It requires patience, generosity, and diligence to ensure that both partners involved walk away with a smile on their faces. In the case of the Terminal Top, that respect to their partner often doesn't exist. It's rude, wrong, and it fucks up the moment. I challenge all Terminal Tops to check your ego at the door and really put your back into pleasing your partners. Even if it means stepping a little out of your comfort zone. If you don't know how to please, ask him/her. Take mental notes when y'all are making whoopie. It's that simple. I guarantee your small investment will translate into a TREMENDOUS return.
And for the folks out there that have been burned and disappointed by Terminal Tops (myself included), SPEAK UP!!!! If you feel that you are not getting respect, DEMAND IT. Depending on your personality, you can be diplomatic in your demands or give a nice healthy dose of tough love (aka. 'CLINK CLINK LOCK DOWN'). If you're dealing with a good man/woman who is invested in your pleasure, they will shape up real quick. And if all else fails and you have a hopeless Terminal Top on your hands, cut your losses, cover your cakes with aluminum, and KEEP IT PUSHIN. Sure you may be walking away from a Monster Penis or a Tyson Beckford lookalike, but your dignity and sexual satisfaction are worth it.
Sexual gratification and intimacy are things that should be enjoyed by ALL. One sided relationships, sexual or otherwise, are for the birds. Gay, straight, bi, trans, top, bottom, vers, or other, you have a right to get it the way you want it (and dare I say 'need' it).
I'll leave you with my personal credo concerning this issue ...
"You had better love, honor, and cherish ALL of my naughty bits (read: Real men give head) and be damn patient if you plan on having me open up my bakery to let you feast on my cinnamon buns and pound my cakes."
And that's on the real.
Holla at me with your thoughts, rants, comments, and suggestions!!