Yeah...as the title suggests I'm kinda going through it right now. Maybe it's the season...cold days and nights...plenty of time to invade my thoughts...plenty of space to self-reflect. Or maybe it's the amazing (but potent) Mexican coffee I just made for myself (if you don't know about it, get into it here) Whatever the case may be, I'm feeling some kinda way. I wouldn't say I feel romantically empty, but I'm definitely yearning...
So many things are going right in my life right now...I'm in no position to complain really. However, there is one area that has alluded me for the longest time...men. So many people around me are happily attached and boo'd up...folks getting married, solidifying their commitments, having babies, co-habitating, etc. I'm yearning for a man. Not a fly by night one night stand or a fuck buddy, but somebody I can invest time and energy towards. Somebody I can court, or who will court me. Sex would be great, but it's deeper than that. Sex is easy, and always accessible. I yearn for the touch...physically, spirtually, and emotionally. I've never felt it before...and I want it. I want to hold...and be held. I want to laugh hysterically while curled up on the couch watching Tyler Perry plays or Wanda Sykes (how u doin? love her!). I want to SEX DOWN somebody, but do it sensually at first...and have that effort reciprocated. I want to cook a meal alongside somebody...or have him waiting on the couch sippin on some riesling and waiting for his culinary delights. I want to flirt mercilessly and wake up in the morning wrapped in strong arms and spooned up against a firm backside.
I yearn for...intimacy. The kind you can't find on BGC or AdamForAdam (i've never been one for those sites, no shade :)). Like I said...I'm kinda going through it right now. It will pass, right?
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Sunday, December 21, 2008
I was not expecting this....
Ok, so let me just say that I am thoroughly ENJOYING not being in school right now! I have officially been granted temporary freedom from my indentured servitude at the academic plantation and am having a FABULOUS time reconnecting with new and old friends and doing the things REGULAR people do. Vacations are an amazing creation, and for those workaholics out there who don't believe in them...stop playing and GET INTO IT! Work hard, play harder is what I say...
Anywho, while out gallivanting with my boy WalkYourOwnPath last night, I had the bright idea for us to get real hood and hit up the notorious Jewel's Catch One to continue our evening of exploration and foolery. The Catch is not my fave when it comes to nightspots (I think Westwood is making me a bit bougie :)), but since WalkinYourOwnPath is new to LA, I figured what the hell? He needs to experience ALL of the gaydom LA has to offer :)
So we roll up, grab our libations, and hit the dance room. As expected, the lesbuns were OUT(!), the crowd leaned toward raw and thuggish, and the music was respectable but not exceptional. Meh. After downing 2 of the Catch concoctions, my homie and I were feeling pretty good so we decided to soak up the vibe and just roll with it. The go-go dancers were giving us life and the DJ got real smart and graced us with some reggae, so we were primed to get it crackin :)
REWIND JUST A BIT..about 15 minutes into us entering a club I crossed paths with a young lady that I SWORE i've met before...She noticed me as well, but we couldn't put the pieces together in time so we missed the connection. FAST FORWARD...Now after about 20 minutes of dancehall/reggae madness, I feel a tap on my shoulder...I turn around and it's her. Here's the dialogue:
Her: I KNOW you from somewhere....
Me: Yes, you do look familiar
Her: Did you go to high school at Washington?
Me: Nope....(lightbulb goes off)!!! WAIT?! Did u go to undergrad at UC Davis?!
Her: YES! I remember now!!!
Then it all rushes back to me...I knew this girl very well once. I met her my 2nd year, in dance class. African Carribean Dance and Culture class. The first "real" dance class I ever took. The dance class taught by one of my greatest creative mentors, Ms. Bobbie Bolden. The class that turned me inside out and sparked a love for dance that has pulled me through shyness, insecurity, depression, and loneliness. The love that now is capable of causing me sadness and pain (I WILL be back to 100%...and soon!). I was not expecting to experience this....at the Catch of all places!
We gagged in celebration for a minute before she gave me the rundown about how she took off with the dancing (to the chagrin of her parents), graduated under Bobbie's mentorship, and is now pursuing her MFA at Temple and dancing for a major company! My heart swelled with pride as we reminisced about so many things that brought me joy during such a challenging point in my life...taking Bobbie's class...the psycho ballet teacher that hated us because we Black students had asses that stuck out...the challenges of choreography class...Black Repertory Theatre...letting the ENTIRE Black community HAVE IT at Apollo Night 2001...so many memories all involving dance...
But then things took a somber note. After confirming that we were members of the "family", we talked about how hard it was being gay, black, and closeted in college. She was nowhere near being out in college...neither was I. For much the same reasons...fear of rejection, and fear of isolation. We didn't give a damn about the campus at large...our fear was of OUR people, the Black community. Fear of being rejected by a community that we held so dear to our hearts. Fear of a community we made personal sacrifices for to feel included. Fear of losing crucial social capital in an environment not particularly open and accepting of people and practices unmistakenly Black and afrocentric. You see, although us Black folk only held down 2.8% of the student body, the community was strong...and somewhat homogenous. Unfortunately, "gay" wasn't really a part of the equation. Instead of throwing caution to the wind and affirming who we were, we remained silent. And we suffered because of it.
Right there, on the dance floor of the Catch One, we both had an emotional moment. Tears were shed, an embrace shared, and a look between us that spoke "I understand you...and I love you". Then we cracked up at the irony of the situation. We spent damn near three years on the same campus completely oblivious of how MUCH we had in common, and we reconnect dancing our asses off in the gayest club in Los Angeles, virtually in our backyards!
Life is funny like that sometimes...you never know what to expect.
Anywho, while out gallivanting with my boy WalkYourOwnPath last night, I had the bright idea for us to get real hood and hit up the notorious Jewel's Catch One to continue our evening of exploration and foolery. The Catch is not my fave when it comes to nightspots (I think Westwood is making me a bit bougie :)), but since WalkinYourOwnPath is new to LA, I figured what the hell? He needs to experience ALL of the gaydom LA has to offer :)
So we roll up, grab our libations, and hit the dance room. As expected, the lesbuns were OUT(!), the crowd leaned toward raw and thuggish, and the music was respectable but not exceptional. Meh. After downing 2 of the Catch concoctions, my homie and I were feeling pretty good so we decided to soak up the vibe and just roll with it. The go-go dancers were giving us life and the DJ got real smart and graced us with some reggae, so we were primed to get it crackin :)
REWIND JUST A BIT..about 15 minutes into us entering a club I crossed paths with a young lady that I SWORE i've met before...She noticed me as well, but we couldn't put the pieces together in time so we missed the connection. FAST FORWARD...Now after about 20 minutes of dancehall/reggae madness, I feel a tap on my shoulder...I turn around and it's her. Here's the dialogue:
Her: I KNOW you from somewhere....
Me: Yes, you do look familiar
Her: Did you go to high school at Washington?
Me: Nope....(lightbulb goes off)!!! WAIT?! Did u go to undergrad at UC Davis?!
Her: YES! I remember now!!!
Then it all rushes back to me...I knew this girl very well once. I met her my 2nd year, in dance class. African Carribean Dance and Culture class. The first "real" dance class I ever took. The dance class taught by one of my greatest creative mentors, Ms. Bobbie Bolden. The class that turned me inside out and sparked a love for dance that has pulled me through shyness, insecurity, depression, and loneliness. The love that now is capable of causing me sadness and pain (I WILL be back to 100%...and soon!). I was not expecting to experience this....at the Catch of all places!
We gagged in celebration for a minute before she gave me the rundown about how she took off with the dancing (to the chagrin of her parents), graduated under Bobbie's mentorship, and is now pursuing her MFA at Temple and dancing for a major company! My heart swelled with pride as we reminisced about so many things that brought me joy during such a challenging point in my life...taking Bobbie's class...the psycho ballet teacher that hated us because we Black students had asses that stuck out...the challenges of choreography class...Black Repertory Theatre...letting the ENTIRE Black community HAVE IT at Apollo Night 2001...so many memories all involving dance...
But then things took a somber note. After confirming that we were members of the "family", we talked about how hard it was being gay, black, and closeted in college. She was nowhere near being out in college...neither was I. For much the same reasons...fear of rejection, and fear of isolation. We didn't give a damn about the campus at large...our fear was of OUR people, the Black community. Fear of being rejected by a community that we held so dear to our hearts. Fear of a community we made personal sacrifices for to feel included. Fear of losing crucial social capital in an environment not particularly open and accepting of people and practices unmistakenly Black and afrocentric. You see, although us Black folk only held down 2.8% of the student body, the community was strong...and somewhat homogenous. Unfortunately, "gay" wasn't really a part of the equation. Instead of throwing caution to the wind and affirming who we were, we remained silent. And we suffered because of it.
Right there, on the dance floor of the Catch One, we both had an emotional moment. Tears were shed, an embrace shared, and a look between us that spoke "I understand you...and I love you". Then we cracked up at the irony of the situation. We spent damn near three years on the same campus completely oblivious of how MUCH we had in common, and we reconnect dancing our asses off in the gayest club in Los Angeles, virtually in our backyards!
Life is funny like that sometimes...you never know what to expect.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
My love affair with LEDISI
I am in love with a WOMAN, and her name is Ledisi...
The love affair started a little over a year ago when a dear friend let me listen to a lovely song titled "Kitchen". After hearing this woman with a BEAST of a voice, my heart percolated a bit...who the HELL was this, and why the hell haven't I heard of her before? From that point on, I knew I needed her in my life :)
After viewing YouTube after YouTube clip of this beautiful woman killing the tracks with her own material, conjuring the likes of Ella Fitzgerald, Chaka Khan, Donny Hathaway, and even having the nerve to join up with one of my faves Rahsaan Patterson to kill a Rufus song while just playing around, I was hooked.
Acquiring her sophomore album "Lost and Found" intensified my attraction.
While somewhat disappointed at how produced her sound was on this album, her writing and delivery sold it for me. Baby, when I heard "In the Morning" for the first time, I thought she was reading my thoughts! Man, I wish I had somebody in the morning like that! If you don't have it in your library, do yourself a favor and buy 3 copies...one for you, and two for whomever will beat you silly for not sharing such a wonderful artist with them :)
I didn't publically pronounce my love for Ledisi until December 10, 2008, the night I saw her LIVE and in living color. Ledisi graced my fair city at the El Rey Theatre, a perfectly intimate venue for such a grand event. After waiting for nearly 2 HOURS to get in and connecting with my crew of Ledisi fans for the night, we prepared ourselves. In a standing room only crowd, we were FRONT and CENTER. I don't think I was ready...
She walked up on that stage...and let us HAVE IT....do you hear me?!! KILLED IT. Virtually 90 minutes straight. She gave us old skool Ledisi (before folks knew how off the hook she was). She gave us "Lost and Found". And she even treated us to her new Christmas album "Its Christmas". I just couldn't get over how RIDICULOUS the entire production was...she was off the chain...her band was amazing (and CUTE...damn!), and her backup singers were DEADLY (I'm talking like...ummm where is YOUR record deal?). As she aptly put it she gave us "some of that booty", "let mama tell ya songs", and "gave us church"! And to top it all, she was funny as hell! Crackin' jokes on folks, giving us sage advice, even letting us in the crowd get our sing on! I can't tell you how many times I just had to stop and shake my head like "wow...really? Are you serious? All of this?". Get into a clip:
Needless to say since the concert I've been rocking both "Lost and Found" and "Its Christmas", as well as digging up her older material. I'm in love with a WOMAN, and her name is Ledisi! If I weren't a tried and true homo I might of had to stop on by TIffany for a ring! But in all seriousness, Ledisi is an amazing artist and I just had to share my "love affair" with her to blogopia.
If you're into REAL VOCALISTS, get some LEDISI in your life!
The love affair started a little over a year ago when a dear friend let me listen to a lovely song titled "Kitchen". After hearing this woman with a BEAST of a voice, my heart percolated a bit...who the HELL was this, and why the hell haven't I heard of her before? From that point on, I knew I needed her in my life :)
After viewing YouTube after YouTube clip of this beautiful woman killing the tracks with her own material, conjuring the likes of Ella Fitzgerald, Chaka Khan, Donny Hathaway, and even having the nerve to join up with one of my faves Rahsaan Patterson to kill a Rufus song while just playing around, I was hooked.
Acquiring her sophomore album "Lost and Found" intensified my attraction.
While somewhat disappointed at how produced her sound was on this album, her writing and delivery sold it for me. Baby, when I heard "In the Morning" for the first time, I thought she was reading my thoughts! Man, I wish I had somebody in the morning like that! If you don't have it in your library, do yourself a favor and buy 3 copies...one for you, and two for whomever will beat you silly for not sharing such a wonderful artist with them :)
I didn't publically pronounce my love for Ledisi until December 10, 2008, the night I saw her LIVE and in living color. Ledisi graced my fair city at the El Rey Theatre, a perfectly intimate venue for such a grand event. After waiting for nearly 2 HOURS to get in and connecting with my crew of Ledisi fans for the night, we prepared ourselves. In a standing room only crowd, we were FRONT and CENTER. I don't think I was ready...
She walked up on that stage...and let us HAVE IT....do you hear me?!! KILLED IT. Virtually 90 minutes straight. She gave us old skool Ledisi (before folks knew how off the hook she was). She gave us "Lost and Found". And she even treated us to her new Christmas album "Its Christmas". I just couldn't get over how RIDICULOUS the entire production was...she was off the chain...her band was amazing (and CUTE...damn!), and her backup singers were DEADLY (I'm talking like...ummm where is YOUR record deal?). As she aptly put it she gave us "some of that booty", "let mama tell ya songs", and "gave us church"! And to top it all, she was funny as hell! Crackin' jokes on folks, giving us sage advice, even letting us in the crowd get our sing on! I can't tell you how many times I just had to stop and shake my head like "wow...really? Are you serious? All of this?". Get into a clip:
Needless to say since the concert I've been rocking both "Lost and Found" and "Its Christmas", as well as digging up her older material. I'm in love with a WOMAN, and her name is Ledisi! If I weren't a tried and true homo I might of had to stop on by TIffany for a ring! But in all seriousness, Ledisi is an amazing artist and I just had to share my "love affair" with her to blogopia.
If you're into REAL VOCALISTS, get some LEDISI in your life!
Wednesday, December 03, 2008
Vital Information for your everyday lives...
Cool points to whomever can remember where this pic comes from :)
I just had to let blogopia get INTO this quote. I had to give my boy snaps for this lil' ditty:
"Remind thyself that the present is still more
important than the future,
for if thou doesn't handle business in the present,
thou future won't be the business."
- Walter R. Tucker IV
TRUE TALK. Handle yo business NOW rather than later!
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