Wednesday, September 06, 2006


I've been pacing for over 5 minutes, so I've decided to write to clear my head. I think it's crazy that only several weeks ago, I felt my life was somewhat boring and uneventful...but OHHHH BOY have things changed. At this point, I find myself with more to do in less time. I prayed for God to place big things in my life, and He is defintely delivering. I just hope I can match his pace.

I must have 100 different things flying through my head...reflecting on my first black gay pride experience( 2 thumbs up!), thinking about my mom, being there for dad, handling family business affairs, working on my thesis, teaching my classes, redecorating my room (the effort may kill me, but it's still gonna be FIRE!), handling my OWN finances, applying to PhD programs, staying in good terms with my personal training clients, keeping consistent with my OWN fitness, carving out time for friends and family, figuring out my direction with church (do I stay or do I go?), continuing to develop in spirit regardless of my church affiliation, and finally attempting to build a solid relationship to a beautiful and worthwhile man...some 2,000 miles away. Yeah, a brotha is busy.

The big question is....have I gone too far? I am notorious for over-extending myself so I'm worried. I will never be as bad as the last time, but I feel myself creeping toward that side if any more responsibility comes my way. One thing that establishes order is my schedule. In order to accomplish everything I need and want to, I am bound to a UNFORGIVING schedule. Every important thing that needs to be done, from eating breakfast in the morning to meditating or praying at night, goes into the schedule.

Now if I stick to the schedule, I'll get everything done... If I miss something or deviate from the schedule, I'm SCREWED. I consider it a blessing and a cursed...blessed that I've been given the resourcefulness to make a schedule, and cursed that my schedule sucks up 95% of my time in a day. What a trade off it is.

I can honestly say this is the busiest I've even been. But do I have a reason to complain? In spite of my hefty responsibilities, I am doing very well and much in my life is thriving. My academics couldn't be better, I'm now financially stabilized (i.e. a broke ass college student that now doesn't owe everybody money), I am considered a "highly competitive PhD candidate", my spirit is strong (but tired as HELL!), my friends haven't deserted me for neglect, and I am holding my own with this long distance situation.

NEXT TIME I NEED TO BE CAREFUL WHAT I PRAY FOR!!!! When God brings it, He don't play! I just hope I can stick with it and keep my wits and humor....nobody loves a bitter idiot :)

Sooo yeah, I'll bitch and moan from time to time, but I'm not stupid enough to whine too hard. I asked for it, and I got it! Now I just have to roll with it for as long as I can. *****SIGH*****

I'm out.


Anonymous said...

Just thought I'd drop a line - found you thru hoodsworld.
Nice blog, I enjoy your writing style (and def. a good lookin' brotha to look at). :)

Fret not about your free time. It'll..... be less of them as you get older! :) Then you have children, but let us not scare you into thinking about that. heh.

jəst•bē•ðat said...

whassup man? you are too many things... hope all is well with you. darian is a worthwhile man...but he wil always be a bitch in my eyes...but that is a bitch i will love til the day i die. did he tell u i am moving to atl too?

Anonymous said...

gd bro and i thought i was a busy son of a bitch. I have put myself on lock down to get my national cert so i'm busy study, study, study. don't you just love it lol. I love you CALL ME NI***

Jəst•bē•ðat said...